Saturday, June 03, 2006

Sudden twists in the road

So, life changed again a couple days ago.

The corporate contract I've been working on finally got signed. Logan was denied probation in Cali and is coming home. And Joe's girlfriend lost their baby.

All on the same day.

I went to bed that night with the strangest sense of deja vu. As if a year of my life just collapsed in a cloud of dust and disappeared right through the floor of time. Poof. No more baby. No more rehab. Son home again. And under whose roof? Are we going back to me worrying my head off about him? Giving him a hug when he gets home late at night, searching his eyes for signs of drug use? Or is that all behind us now? He's been sober 10 months now. Are we done?

And what of Joe? Does one just lose a baby and go one with life as usual? Sure, he's a kid himself, basically, and they aren't even a couple any more, but it's so weird that all he's done in the past five months to prepare himself for fatherhood is just gone now, and he's back to life as usual: kid on track for great future, check.

I feel like I'm clawing to find a way to position myself in the present: this is NOT a year ago. This is now. The past year happened. Logan grew. He changed. We are not going back to last year. This is now.

Well, I can always wake up and look at that signed contract. I didn't have that a year ago. So, yep! No deja vu here, folks. It's this year, and my boy is coming home. Sober.

And my other boy is sober too. Just with a whole different meaning.

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